Does Time Work For You?

You have heard the saying “Time heals all wounds.” After the realization that my spouse had an affair, time was a thing to endure. Time was filled with raw pain and agony that stretched for days and months. Tears that never seemed to stop flowing.

The first year afterward will be a time of grieving. You have experienced a death. Anyone who has lost someone knows that there is a grieving process. Every situation is different, and added layers of betrayal can require more than a year to heal.

Does time heal all wounds? I can honestly say for myself that the pain daily is gone, and the wounds do not bleed. But the scars remain. I have done a great deal of healing, but I am not the same. Our marriage has changed. Looking back, I can remember the young, romantic, giddy people we were. But I also remember the emotionally unhealthy things I added to the marriage before the affair. We needed change.

What we choose to do with time matters regarding healing. Let’s consider your marriage to be like gardening. Your relationship, emotions, and pain are the seed. In our grief, we bury it under the dirt. If we do nothing, that seed will lie dormant under the ground. To heal and grow that seed needs moisture and sunlight.

What tools are effective in this gardening process? Counseling is vital. You need an expert to help you wade through these issues. With high emotions, a neutral third party is required to help pull out invasive roots couples may not be aware of in the marriage. Communicating clearly and effectively is greatly improved with a counselor’s guidance.

Working through forgiveness is essential. Buried bitterness and unforgiveness will keep the marriage from growing or healing. Even if your spouse is unwilling to repent and the relationship is ended, you personally have to work through forgiveness for your own sake and healing. Buried emotions of that magnitude will continue to weigh you down and stunt personal growth.

Gardening requires investment. Are you and your spouse working on rebuilding? Intentional gardeners who invest have beautiful plants and flowers. But this will not occur with those who throw seeds on unfertile soil, who don’t water or keep weeds from taking root. Invest in your marriage. What need was the other woman providing for your spouse that is lacking in your marriage? This is an excellent question to work through with a counselor. If a truthful answer is found, work on fixing that piece. Spend time together to date, develop hobbies or projects, build intimacy, and pray together.

People change over time. Ideas, interests, goals, and personal growth evolve with the passage of time. Are you and your spouse growing together or apart? Investing in your marriage and staying connected enables you and your spouse to grow together.

Time can make a difference in our healing if we use it wisely.