What Only He Can Do

In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak as we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit himself pleads with God for us in groans that words cannot express. (Romans 8:26)

I don’t know about you, but right about the time Thanksgiving week hits the rest of the year becomes an insane blur of busyness and holiday craze. This is one of my favorite times of year because of all the events and holiday themed fun that can be had. But I realize that when life gets this crazy and full, I neglect to stop and be still in God’s presence. It just seems like I can’t rest. It is constant motion and stress everywhere I look.

Our finances have been tight, so in pursuit of some extra income I’ve been wrestling with new jobs as well.  During this holiday madness my husband and I had a disagreement. It wasn’t a bad argument, and we have not had many arguments since the initial fights after the affair. But I was feeling that all to familiar, we’ve been here done that before. I could feel my old self rise to the surface. I wanted to do my own thing. I wanted to retreat and not talk about it. The Stonewall Queen was begging to come back. And my heart was proud. I felt justified in my decision that caused the disagreement, so I didn’t want to be humble and admit I hadn’t truly listened to my husband or communicated clearly enough.

He was sensitive enough to seek me out in my retreat, and initiate us talking it out. That night though I still felt greatly anxious and overwhelmed. In these moments I know I’m spiritually starving. Because I’m functioning out of my own strength and fears rather than God’s strength and the power of His presence. Another indication of my spiritual starvation was my pride. When I come to my knees before God and worship Him, not myself and my agenda, I remember my place, and humility is going to come easier in my marriage as well.

I abandoned the school work sitting on my bed that I was trying to press forward in, because my soul was at the end of itself. Turning off the lights in my room and the worship music on, my focus shifted from me to God. The overwhelming to do list, job and finance worries, schooling, and marriage argument, melted in His presence. I also found my humility in brokenness before His throne. I knew the pride in that argument had been wrong, but now I could let it go.

I often worry about our arguments and the similar patterns that we repeat from our past. I often worry that we will go back to the way we were before. But here’s the encouragement. I can see the Holy Spirit working. In these moments of humility and being able to apologize to my husband when I never would have before, because of my pride. These are moments the Holy Spirit is moving and changing me, and doing what only He can do.

One of the worship songs I listened to was my favorite, called Spirit of the Living God. Some of the lyrics are:

Spirit of the Living God
Spirit of the Living God
We’re leaning in to all you are
Everything else can wait

Spirit of the Living God
Spirit of the Living God
Come now and breathe upon our hearts
Come now and have your way

Cause when you speak, when you move
When you do what only you can do
It changes us, it changes
What we see and what we seek

When you come in the room
When you do what only you can do
It changes us, it changes
What we see and what we seek
You’re changing everything

When He comes…….It’s His presence that changes us. It’s His power and work that changes what we see and what we seek. He changed this self-righteous prideful heart of mine.

I’m reminded of a special night this past summer. After packing up our garage for our anticipated move, I was still overwhelmed with emotions about the affair. I went to our swing set in the backyard and glided back and forth under the starry sky while playing this song. I sang, I worshipped and prayed for the Holy Spirit to change what I see and seek. All I could see was the looming battle for my marriage and the pain I was wading through. But His presence did come and continues to come. He is continuing to change and restore our marriage. He did what only He could do. In my own strength I would have walked out on my marriage. I would have stood on my own percieved self-righteousness believing I was completely the victim and justified to leave and hold a grudge against my husband forever. But the Holy Spirit changed that.

My husband joined me shortly on the swings and played one of the songs that greatly affected him as well. Matthew West’s “Mended”.

After listening to the words of the song, I realized why this song was so healing for him. My husband had always felt broken and used. He had experienced sexual abuse as a very young child. He carried the shame and weight of it throughout his life. Always feeling he was damaged goods. Now he also had the weight of the affair on him as well. But as he sought out God, the Holy Spirit spoke the words of life that he needed to hear. That he is a precious child of God, loved, mended, redeemed, and headed towards hope. My husband had been a prisoner to his past and the lies he believed. But the Holy Spirit came. He did what only He could do and brought a man in deep darkness and sin into great hope and healing.

We often have to open our hearts to the Holy Spirit and His work. We can do that simply by inviting  Him to come. By humbly surrendering ourselves to Him. This prayer is taken from the book “31 Days of Praise” by Ruth Myers. It’s a wonderful starting place to inviting the Holy Spirit to work in your life. Are you brave enough to ask Him to come? To let Him do what only He can do?