Support After An Affair

Help carry each other’s burdens. In this way you will follow Christ’s teachings. ~Galatians 6:2

The day of the confession I felt numb. There was so much that I needed to process and I felt I needed to vent and talk about my feelings. I texted my best friend on the way home from the counseling session and asked her to pray hard for me.

One of the first people I talked with was a friend from my church whose husband had also had an affair. They were now 4 years past that and their marriage had healed and survived. I had a ton of questions, but mostly I just needed someone to listen. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone.

Though I initially opened up to several friends, there was embarrassment and this feeling of needing to keep things secret especially with my family. However, the days that I was alone when my husband was gone at work, were dark, emotional days for me. My heart was still silently bleeding out in pain.

After meeting with another friend who had gone through the betrayal of an affair, I was encouraged to talk with my parents. She saw the pain and hardship I was going through. One word of advice she gave was that “sin hides in the darkness”. Through confession, accountability, and encouragement from others both my husband and I could heal, be supported, grow and trust again.

I was blessed to have many positive people around me who were supportive of our marriage and us fighting for it. I know that is not always the case for some people and that we do need to use some discernment with whom we choose to share something like this with. But I do know it helps to have others carry our burdens, whether by a listening ear, hugs, support or prayer.  Don’t stand alone.

One of my darkest moments was during our move to the new house. The moving van had broken down and we had to stay in a hotel. One of the steps of processing the affair will be anger. And this particular night I was extra tired, hurt and angry. After a painful conversation and beating my fists into one of the hotel beds, I knew I had to get outside and cool off. My husband, greatly distressed by my unstable emotions and rantings finally agreed to let me out as long as I promised not to do anything foolish. I closed the door behind me and could hear him weeping on the other side.

As a teen whenever I was distressed or upset I would go outside and take a prayer walk. This night though I was so thoughouly enraged I could not even think straight. I walked out into the parking lot. We were not in the safest part of town so I chose to walk laps there. I called my best friend and told her how upset I was and that I needed her to pray because I just couldn’t pray. As I walked around and around she prayed for about 30 mins. She said all the things I could not humbly ask for or verbalize. By the time she finished praying I was in a much calmer state of mind.

Friend, reach out to those who can help. Jesus is there too, but sometimes we need the physical hands and feet of Jesus which are the brothers and sisters God has given us in Christ.